If you “really love her”, then you already oughta know what’s most important. (Most important, not the only thing.)
Her “expectations” are not really expectations. They are cries for help. Listen.
Some of the things we have done:
-We take French lessons “together” and speak French around the house all the time.
-We always eat dinner together.
-We go out somewhere every weekend (usually not my pick).
-We catch up by phone several times a day.
It’s hard to explain, but I have a “more balanced lifestyle” “without” “lower expectations”. You “can” have both. It’s up to you to find a way.
[EDIT: Forgot one of the most important things: Sunday brunch is a big deal at our house. We shop together (the night before), cook together, and sit together for 2 to 3 hours at a table full of great food and 3 newspapers. At first, I thought it was a waste of time, but now I really look forward to it.]