1. Don’t sit on my desk. I’m a programmer. My desk is also my dining table.
2. If I’m eating at my desk, don’t touch my food. I’m so busy that I usually bring what I think I’ll need for the day. I didn’t factor in your needs too. Go to the vending machine.
3. If you come to my desk and see my typing furiously and I don’t look up, that means I’m busy writing code. If the building’s not on fire, go away and send me an email.
4. If you get upset in a discussion with someone else, don’t raise your voice, don’t yell profanities, and most of all, don’t slam the door or throw anything. That’s when I leave for the day. Some of us have had enough of that for one lifetime.
5. If we’re talking in my office, face me and take your hand off the doorknob. If it’s important, I’m not going to rush through it because you’re in a hurry to get somewhere else. If it’s not important, then leave me alone.
6. If we’re meeting, turn off your cellphone. If it vibrates, don’t look at it to see who it is. If I’m not the most important person at that moment, then I don’t want to meet with you.
7. I’m always happy to discuss important matters, but I don’t do status meetings. If you want to know status, email me and I’ll reply. Otherwise, my status report would read, Nothing accomplished. Spent all day in status meetings.
8. If there’s cake in the breakroom, have a piece, but leave your Tupperware in your car. This isn’t Cheesecake Factory.
9. Don’t lie to me. Ever. If you tell me that Joe agreed with these mods, I can easily confirm that with Joe. If he says you never talked to him, I will never listen to anything you ever say again.
10. If you had Mexican for lunch, cut the rest of us a break and use the restroom at the Shell station.