User Pet Peeves

Being told “how” instead of “what”. Use this API to access that database to do this process. Don’t tell me how to do something. Tell me what you want. Let me figure out how. That’s my job. 

Being told “what” instead of “why”. So you need a 4 GB csv download of the entire database every day at noon? Why? Oh, in that case, why don’t you just use which has been right at your fingertips all along. If you don’t understand the system, ask and I’ll be glad to help. But don’t make up unnecessary work for me. 

Being asked for data to put into your Excel spreadsheet which you will screw up 8 minutes later. Then you want me to fix it. Forget it. If you have a business problem, tell me about it. We will find a solution together. 

Lone rangers don’t get help. I’m not Tonto.

Calling me every 42 minutes for 3 days asking, “Is it done yet?” No, it’s not. I’ll let you know when it is and if there’s a problem, I’ll let you know about that, too. 

Not calling me for 3 weeks after a release. Either it’s working perfectly or no one’s using it. It would be nice to know which. 

Criticizing my work in a meeting in front of others without talking to me first. Big mistake. You don’t want to piss off your waiter and you don’t want to piss off your programmer. 

Meetings when a phone call would have sufficed. 

Phone calls when an email would have sufficed. 

Status meetings. Pointless. I’ll email status. Any questions, click “Reply”. 

Code walkthroughs that are more concerned with syntax than function. 

SQL SELECTs inside of iterations. Please go work at McDonald’s. 

Sarbanes-Oxley (SOX).